This post is about anger and missed opportunities.

I have now come to posess a hate in my heart that is greater than almost anything that I have felt before.

I'm sure you all remember the bookstore girl. I told you all in depth about her a few posts down. Well, I'm a wimp. I drag my feet, I procrastinate, I am generally frightened, and I get nothing accomplished. Never has that been the case more than now.

I have recently found out that she has this thing for/with another fellow. For purpose of this blog, let's call him Ethan. Ethan, from what I can gather, is apparently better than me in every way. If there were to be a book to be written about this saga, I would most likely end up as the antagonist (I can always hope to be an anti-hero though). Even though the majority of this is speculation, as I haven't actually seen the two together it could be just a crush of her own, there is a degree of likelihood and it doesn't involve me.

I bet you're thinking to yourself that it's a pretty petty thing to hate a guy just because he's going out with a girl you like. Well, that's not why I hate him, and I'm not sure I even hate *him* per se. It's the fact that I had an opportunity, a chance to be with a wonderful girl, but I'm the most chickenshit human being to ever walk the face of this earth. Their relationship stands as a monument to my indecision, failure, and lack of self confidence. It tears me up inside. Why? Because it's always like this for me and I hate it.

There is a lesson to be learned in this, so for those who it applies, learn it well. It probably could be interpreted different ways by different people, so I'm not going to limit anyone to a specific lesson.

I'll try not to be so depressing next time.