Well, I just made some decisions that will affect my future and they were some of the hardest decisions I have ever made. The biggest of which was, earlier this evening, I finished an application to transfer universities. To some, this may not seem like a very big deal, but to me, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I've lost all kinds of sleep over this lately and it's really taken its toll on me mentally. I've had terible insomnia, basically staying awake until I just pass out. It has been really hard on me lately.

Why has it been so hard? Well, there are a lot of reasons. I currently attend the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the first public university built in the United States and, quite possibly, one of the most prestigious universities in the nation today. Everyone I knew was excited when I was accepted here. Hell, I was probably the most excited out of all of them. I came here, I made friends, and gradually, things began to change. Almost all of the sudden, it got to the point where I would wake up in the morning, look around, and say, "What the hell am I doing here?" and pretty much wish I hadn't even woke up at all. This illusion was gone and I hated it. This also has taken a hold of my academic preformance. I think you should be starting to understand why this is so hard for me. I had a lot of high ambitions and lofty goals for myself, but I wasn't the only one. A lot of other people wanted me to succeed and achieve at this high level. I feel like I've let them and, most of all, myself down. I feel like a failure and that's something I really don't want to be.

Also, I made several friends here. These are the kinds of friends that you hate to leave behind because they mean so much to you. I'm going to miss them, they were probably the best part of this whole thing. I just hope that somewhere down the line we'll meet up again. I can only hope. I really wanted to graduate with these guys but shit happens.

There are just as good reason to go as there is to stay. I'm tired of hating waking up in the morning. I'm tired of the uselessness I meet up with everyday. I'd hate to think that I'm a failure by transfering, but I'm tired of hating my life, which this place has undoubtedly caused. Plus, if I transfer, it will save me a substancial bit of money, which can be considered a positive.

I cried as I filled out the application, but I knew it was for the best. I'm also starting to get teary eyed as I'm writing this, so I think I'll stop now.

Oh, no word from Julie Strain. Maybe she doesn't like turtles.