This is one of those stories that just has to be told.

Yesterday, I saw three squirrels commit suicide. You'd think the natural way for a squirrel to off themselves would be to run out in front of a car. Not these bad boys. They jumped out of a tree.

I was in the art building here today, generally slacking off when I should have been working, and headed out to meet up with a friend for dinner. I was on my way to the dining hall, walking through the quad, and I hear a loud rustling up in the trees. I look up to see a blurry mass falling down from a good distance up in the tree, it landed about 4 feet behind me and I walked over to check it out.

It turned out, it was a squirrel. He was just laying there, dying. Then, he looked up at me as if to say 'I told u I wuz hardcore' and went limp. That's the point where I said 'shit' out loud.

I turned and continued walking when, almost right in front of me, falls another one. It almost hit this other dude in the head. If it would have, I would not have been able to meet my friend for dinner, for I would have pissed my pants. This squirrel landed *splat* on the brick sidewalk.

Almost at that very moment, I heard another one hit the ground. 'Holy Shit' I both said to myself and out loud, 'I need to get out of here' I looked at the guy who almost got impaled my the rodent and we exchanged confused and fairly scared looks.

So, it seems depression among squirrels is up 300% at my university. With reckless abandon, they are jumping to their certain demise. I swear to you that every bit of this is true.

I finally got to the dining hall and while my friend and I were eating, a furry walked by in full garb. It was the first time I had seen one that close in full costume. I feared the fact that he very well may have been the "squirrel master" causing the animals to commit suicide. However, this is another story for another day.